


Ere Break of Day

by orphan_account



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Feels, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Magic Revealed, Tears, slightly OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-13
Updated: 2015-03-13
Packaged: 2018-03-17 15:35:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3534785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin wakes after some nightmares and goes to make sure that his king is alright. Things get kind of emotional and heavy from there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ere Break of Day

Merlin tossed in his sleep, wracked my nightmares, memories of those he’d killed and those he’d failed.. The dreams took on a darker more sinister tone and Merlin moaned louder, flailing and trying to save Arthur. He moaned and rolled over, trying to escape the vision of Arthur’s death, of Arthur falling at the hands of Mordred. A cold shiver wracked his body and the dreams turned from dark and sinister to bright and eerie. A face, featureless and vague in the way that most dream faces are, spoke to him in a soothing voice. She told him that she would show him how Arthur’s death came about. He shuddered as he watched himself, trying so hard to prevent the prophecy that he ensured that it would happen.

“So you did with Morgana, so shall you do with Arthur.” The voice echoed, fading away with a sense of foreboding. Merlin jolted awake, sweating and shivering, too hot and too cold all at once. He glanced out of his window to see that it was still early night. Quietly he grabbed a candle, lit it with his magic, and crept out of the physician’s chambers.

He quietly padded barefoot through the castle in his nightclothes to Arthur’s chambers. He slipped in silently, pausing as the sound of the door closing cause Arthur to moan in distress. Once Merlin realized that Arthur had yet to wake up, he padded over to the soft bed and stood, watching over his king in an eerie vigil. He loved Arthur more dearly than he had ever loved another in his entire life.

He would slit his own wrists if it would give Arthur life. Silent tears streamed down Merlin’s face as he watched his king, the man he loved and would soon loose. Even though, if he was being honest with himself, he’d lost Arthur long ago. When Gwen had been the one to kiss him and break the enchantment. When Arthur professed his undying love to her. When Arthur married her.

Merlin shuddered. Arthur and Gwen’s marriage had broken him and he’d tried to withdraw. He’d tried to just be a servant; being Arthur’s friend involved too much heartbreak. He hadn’t counted on the heartbreak that would happen as Arthur slowly allowed him to be pushed away. As Arthur lost faith and trust in him, as Arthur treated him like a servant. As Arthur left him behind in the cold north, replacing him with the druid boy.

Merlin hadn’t realized that his crying had gotten louder until he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and he started. Blinking through tears he looked up to see Arthur watching him with concern. Merlin chocked out a sob and his shoulders shook harder, seeing Arthur’s face open to him once again.

“Merlin, Merlin what’s wrong?” Arthur murmured, taking the candle from Merlin’s shaky grasp and setting it on the nightstand. He gripped Merlin’s hand and rubbed off hardened wax drops that had spilled onto the boy’s hand without him noticing. Merlin sobbed harder and Arthur pulled him into his chest, running a soothing hand down Merlin’s back and shushing him comfortingly. 

“Arthur-” Merlin choked out, clutching tightly at Arthur’s nightshirt and burying his face in the older man’s chest.

“Shhh, shhh, shhhh. It’s alright Merlin. I’m here, I’m here. Everything is going to be okay.” He whispered, rubbing Merlin’s back and clutching him tighter. Merlin shook his head and burrowed in deeper.

“It’s not thought. Nothing is ever going to be okay again.” Merlin sobbed quietly.

“What do you mean Merlin?” Merlin had never heard Arthur be so gentle and it made him ache with want. He bet that Arthur was gentle with Guinevere. That thought had Merlin pulling back harshly and wiping his tears.

“I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-” Merlin forced himself to stop crying and shuddering and took a step back, turning towards the door to go.

“Merlin,” Arthur caught his wrist and pulled him back, sitting on the side of his bed and making Merlin sit beside him. “Talk.” Arthur’s voice was much sterner. That Merlin knew how to handle. 

“I’m sorry, Sire, it won’t happen again.” Merlin said, cool and professional. “I must have been sleepwalking.

“Merlin-” Arthur sounded pained. Merlin turned to look and he saw heartbreak. “Please stop. Just…let me in for once in your god-damned life.” Arthur said thickly. “What’s wrong?”

“You wouldn’t believe me even if I said.” Merlin whispered, sounding bitter even to his own ears. He looked down at his red splotched hand, wondering how he could have missed hot wax splashing onto him. Arthur chocked and sighed heavily, sounding defeated, he turned, ready to dismiss his manservant and pine for the days when they talked. Merlin’s hushed whisper interrupted the sound of his bleeding heart. “You’re going to die…soon.” Arthur froze.

The way Merlin said it…With absolute certainty and resignation. It chilled Arthur to the bone. Merlin didn’t look up from his hands.

“What’s going on Merlin? What’s this about?” 

“When we went to see the Disir…” Arthur snorted in derision.

“Merlin, they were just crazy old ladies that hate me for my father’s sins. Don’t pay them any head.” Arthur tried to comfort his servant, reaching for him. Merlin flinched away. Arthur froze, heart breaking a little more.

“I knew you wouldn’t believe me.” Merlin nodded to himself, Arthur’s words confirming his doubt. He made to stand but hesitated before he could leave Arthur’s bedside. 

“You said that the Disir’s cave was a holy place, you said you felt it. What did you mean by that?” Arthur asked quietly. Merlin looked at him before looking out of the nearest window.

“The Disir were not the first to tell me of your death. Within my first twenty four hours in Camelot I was warned of your death.” Merlin whispered. Arthur gasped, horror rising in his throat. “I was told that I was the only one that could save, you the only one that could protect you. And I did Arthur,” Merlin looked back at his king. “I did for so long. I made deals with sorcerers and witches and priestesses and anyone and anything I could to keep you alive.”

“The druids were always telling me of the prophesies, of what a great king you would be, of how I would help you to realize your potential.” Arthur dimly recalled several dozen conversations where Merlin would look at him in awe and tell him that he was destined for greatness. And he’d believed it for so long. But now, not even Merlin believed it. “They never told me that I was destined to fail you. That you would die and it would be all my fault.” Merlin whispered, tears pricking at his eyes.

“Merlin?”

“When we went north I saw it happen. I saw the future, I saw your death at the hands of Mordred.” Arthur gasped and tears rolled down Merlin’s sharp cheeks. “Imagine my horror when we met him next. And then Morgana was looking for the Diamair, the Euchdag, a creature burdened with all knowledge. She wanted to know what your greatest weakness was. Do you want to know what the Diamair told me it was?” Merlin sighed, sitting down again and taking one of Arthur’s cold hands.  
“I’m not sure I do.” Arthur said, feeling hollow. 

“Your greatest weakness, your bane…is yourself. How am I supposed to protect you from yourself when I can’t even protect you from your sister?” Merlin sighed again, looking to the side. “I didn’t know until recently that it was all set in stone. That you would die and I would…”

“You’d what, Merlin?” Arthur asked, turning Merlin’s head to look at him.

“Oh, Arthur,” Merlin whispered, turning his head into Arthur’s cupped palm, closing his eyes as more tears leaked out. Arthur gasped. “I want-I want so badly to tell you everything.”

“Tell me.” Arthur demanded immediately, scooting closer to the pale boy.

“You’ll hate me forever. I’m everything you hate, Arthur.” Merlin shuddered, curling in on himself.

“Merlin?”

“I’m a sorcerer Arthur.” Merlin whispered. Arthur gasped, yanking his hand away from Merlin’s cheek. Merlin squeezed his eyes once more before opening them and turning to look at his king, eyes glowing gold. Arthur sucked in a shuddering breath and felt a tear escape his own eye. “I have magic, and I use it for you Arthur, only for you.” Merlin murmured as the light faded from his eyes. “There will never be another like you, Arthur. You're my friend and I don't want to lose you.” Merlin whispered, looking down at his hands again as more tears fell from his eyes.

“Why did you never tell me?” Arthur finally whispered tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear, surreptitiously wiping his tear away.

“I wanted to, but...” Merlin hesitated.

“What?”

“You'd have chopped my head off.” Merlin laughed hollowly, attempting at humor. 

“I'm not sure what I would've done.” Arthur answered honestly. He still didn’t know what he was going to do.

“And I didn't want to put you in that position.” Merlin whispers, implying that he’d never make Arthur choose between him and Uther. 

“That's what worried you?” Oh, sweet little innocent Merlin. Arthur supposed that that was why he’d never made the connection before, even though he felt that some part of him always new. He associated sorcerers with evil and Merlin with good, how could he see that it was not so?

“Some men are born to plow fields, some live to be great physicians, others to be great kings.” Merlin smiled at him with a watery smile. “Me, I was born to serve you, Arthur. And I'm proud of that. And I wouldn't change a thing.” 

“Oh, Merlin.” Arthur sighed, running a hand through his golden hair. Merlin smiled at him, sadly. 

“I don’t want you to die, Arthur.” Merlin whispered, tears leaking down his face and dropping onto his white nightshirt. “I couldn’t live with myself if you died. I love you too much.” Merlin sucked in a harsh breath, realizing what he’d just admitted to. Arthur gasped before plunging forward and capturing Merlin’s lips with his own. Merlin keened before pressing back desperately.

They clutched at each other, desperate and needy as tears streamed down their faces. Arthur pulled back with one last nibble on Merlin’s bottom lip. Merlin whimpered, leaning forward for more. Arthur smiled at him through the tears and gently stroked his cheek.

“I love you too.” Arthur whispered.

“But…Guinevere?”

“Guinevere understands, Merlin. She’s known for years now. Why do you think there’s no royal baby? It isn’t because we can’t have one. It’s because we haven’t been trying. My marriage is a façade.” Merlin hummed before capturing Arthur’s lips once more. Arthur smiled and pulled back again. “I wanted to tell you so badly, wanted to confess everything but you kept pushing me away.” Arthur explained. “I thought-I thought you knew how I felt and that you were…repulsed by it.”

“Never.” Merlin shook his head violently, stray tears flying. Arthur laughed giddily and kissed Merlin again. “Please don’t die on me, Arthur.” Merlin whispered, pulling back once more.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you that the future isn’t set in stone, Merlin?” Arthur smiled and kissed him again and again and again.


End file.
